Chester Street Uniting Earth Ministry Lacuna Group


Unthinkable Futures: Absurdities, Ironies and Cultural Impossibilities?

Posted: 17/09/2008



I'd like to invite the S4G community to contribute to a new series called 'Unthinkable Futures'. The aim of the series is to reflect on how life might be lived at some point in the future, with particular reference to anything that may seem impossible or unlikely. Reflections can be any length and may be comedic, ironic, prophetic or anything you like! Just send me an email and I'll include it here!
 
I'll kick things of with the first one. 
 
 
 Unthinkable Future #1: Criminal Convictions at David Jones! 
 

In the not too distant future, arrestable offences are sold at high-end fashion stores around the world. A criminal conviction comes to be seen as an indespensible fashion accessory. The Police and Retail stores pounce on this opportunity to make astronomical amounts of money. 

The most sought after conviction is for involvement in a gangland shooting. This is seen as the most glamorous of all convictions. After the legitimization of gangland crime by rap stars like Puff Duddle (or whatever it is now), rich teenage boys spend about  $90, 000 per conviction. For offences that attract more media attention the cost can rise to $250,000. 

For those on a tighter budget there are alternatives. Popular entry level offences include 'possession of a controlled substance' and 'DUI'(1). A DUI will set you back about $25, 000. It comes with complimentary mug shots, of which the customer retains exclusive rights. This is quite handy when selling your story to Who or New Weekly magazine. 

(1) People purchasing a DUI conviction need not worry about demerit points, as these only apply to standard policing. 

 

UNTHINKABLE  FUTURE#2: Banned! 

(From Miles) 

Sometime in the future, the Australian Government will announce its latest public health initiative: there will be a total ban on the manufacturing, importation and sale of cigarettes. If cannabis is illegal, the Government says, why can't we just ban something as toxic as cigarettes? The Grandfather Clause that has allowed the sale of cigarettes for so long must be put to an end.

But there's more: the Government will also put a ban on all codes of football, be it Rugby League, Rugby Union, Australian Rules or "Wogball" (Soccer). The Government can no longer tolerate a sporting culture where footballers treat women like meat and where spectators stir up troubles. The Police fully expect the fans will react by rioting on the streets, but the Government is prepared to put up with short-term pain in exchange for long-term gain.

The Government will even try to introduce a Prohibition of all alcoholic beverages; however since beer is such an integral part of the Australian culture, the proposal will not pass through the Parliament - much to the dismay of the Woman's Christian Temperance Union. 

UNTHINKABLE FUTURE#3: Dead Movie Stars 

(from Paul)

In the future, dead movie stars such as Maralyn Monroe and  Humphrey Bogart etc. will be digitally re-created to "star" in movies. Eventually real actors become obsolete. 

 

 

Got you thinking? Share your thoughts with the rest of us:

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  • Cool! I’m gonna start saving up for a few counts of indecent exposure… gotta keep up my rebellious reputation ;-)


        — steph · Sep 23, 12:50 am

  • You are maaad, what a vision!
    OK unthinkable future 2

    US defence budget cancelled and money used to fund small African country’s rise from poverty to take stage as enlightened word power and beacon of sanity.

    Promise I will come up with a funnier one when haven’t had worst two days of work ever in my life (and they were first 2 back)


        — Bek · Oct 4, 06:21 am

  • imposabilites in space are prvelent in every ray of space due to size
    star


        — Nikholas Hatt · May 7, 11:06 am

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